I find peace in writing. Rain is falling and Payung Teduh – Resah is playing on Soundloud. The air is cool and it’s another easy breezy Sunday (minus the stuff I have to get done today). And here I am sitting and wondering, why do I spend so many hours on this blog, writing? I can be sleeping, or watch movies instead. But why writing?
Writing is my tool to sort my thoughts and to rid the clutter in my mind. I feel that my mind is constantly overthinking or analyzing the things I see, hear, and feel. I’m constantly observing things and figuring out the story behind those things, why they happen, how they happen, and the impacts of those things happening. I always need some sort of media to filter them, to lay them out and see them. Like a stamp collector that lays his stamp collection to see them and analyze them one by one, that’s what I do by writing. I recollect my thoughts and analysis that I make in the fast paced life I live and reflect and learn from them.
Writing is self revelation. From my very own words and phrases, I feel that it is self revealing. Writing reveals my views upon things, my stance on things, and how I react to things. Through writing I can be truly sincere about my thoughts and feelings. Growing up, I wrote letters to my mother when I felt upset or angry at her. I would make a long letter about how I felt pressured when she was too nagging or too harsh and secretly put it in her bag for her to find and read. I just couldn’t sum up my guts to blurt it out at her. My thoughts and feelings overflowed on paper. I also grew fond of keeping journals when I grew up. I would jot down thoughts or feelings about my days and experiences. Writing with no clear direction. Just expressing and extracting the emotions and judgments in my mind.
There are many times I just can’t find the time or energy to write. For example during those hectic exam days, I think of so many things to write when I am standing in the shower but I can’t because there’s still so much to study, so many things to do. But once I have the time, I lose track what I have intended to write and ideas don’t flow as smoothly as before. It takes warming up and time to get the machine hot and running again. When it’s back running, it’s so enjoyable. Sometimes, I even write prior to making an assignment. I take it as a thing to warm up my engine.
When I made this blog, I never intended to attract an audience. I write for pleasure. I write to get to know myself, to let off some steam. The thing about writing for pleasure is that you just let everything flow, without no one’s stamp of approval. You can write anytime (almost) without spending a penny.
Well, it is a comforting fact to know that there are people that keep up with this blog and people find my writing useful. I remember a classmate that isn’t that close to me once said randomly out of the blue, “I haven’t checked out your blog in a while. I wonder what’s going on with you deep down inside, personally.” That’s the thing about blogging. It sometimes feeds the curiosity of other people. I don’t mind actually, because I keep the sensitive details subtle for my own good.
I want to grow in terms of my writing. Use more words and be more skillful. One thing for sure is, writing will forever beyond a hobby, but my remedy.