This is probably the 2nd toughest question to answer, after the holy grail of complicated questions: ‘What are your plans after graduating?’
Well, I do have pretty legitimate reasons to stay here, let’s say for the next few weeks or so, I have to complete graduate school preparations and do test preparations here, on my own, without paying loads of money to a test prep course without being distracted by the minutely hollers from my mom and siblings, hunt for recommendation letters, and so on.
Well, my dad actually told me to stay here to prepare my graduate school application. In addition to that, staying here minimizes commuting effort (and money!) from Jakarta to Bandung. Plus, Bandung has a much more productive climate. Trust me, I find it ultimately hard to get things done at home. And thank God, my parents know me well.
But aside from that, aside from all the administrative reasons, I feel that there’s a core reason why I am here. I kinda feel like I’m stalling time.
Have you ever encountered a situation where you were just about to leave but for no clear reason you follow your intuition to stick around and wait for something good to happen? That particular something that gives your sticking-around-intuition some meaning and some reason? And….it turns out that something good does happen. And you thank yourself for following your intuition to stick around?
That’s what I feel. That’s the hunch I’m feeling. The intuition driving me to do so. It’s as if I know I’m here for a purpose, that there’s something just around the corner that will give a meaning to my choice to stick around.
Sadly, at this moment, I can’t define what exactly it is, it is either:
a) I find it hard to move on from this comfort zone, Bandung, the best city in this country (At least to me. At least so far.) The people, places, work, play, day life, night life, quiet, loud, and everything is in a perfect balance. This is quite pathetic actually. We should all keep moving forward, right?
b) Again, I must stress that there’s this huge weird undefined magnetic force pulling me to stay.
I have always been an intuitive person all my life, and trusting my gut never failed me. What usually fails me if I choose not to trust my gut.
Notice the picture above? Yet again, Tumblr knows me so well. My Tumblr is my secret hiding place for all the discomfort and sincere heart-to-paper blabber pours so freely and I choose to keep it exclusive and secret. Anyway, the words in the picture coincide with my current situation. Bandung is where I’d rather be (in terms of long term stay). I spent the past week in Jakarta after graduating and I felt…miserable. Well it was great that I didn’t have to spend any of my money for basic needs like water and food because everything was available at home. I also don’t have to go through the hassle of using public transportation (nope, I still can’t drive) because at home, I can easily ask my driver to drive me. Home provides the comfort and ease, no other place can provide. But still, I felt lonely. I was trapped. I couldn’t get anything done.
Furthermore, I still feel as if I still have unfinished business here. Different from other places I have visited/stayed for some time, I always feel an urge to come back to where I came from. It’s far different when it comes to this particular city where passing different spots can trigger a memory and either put me in a nostalgic daze or a giggly smile.
Somehow I feel if I do whatever business I should be doing here, if I stick around, there’s something, someone or whatever I-don’t-know-what that is worth sticking around for.
I don’t know if this strong emotion with this city, the people, and the memories is clouding my rational judgment. I don’t know, and honestly I don’t want to know. Can I just give in to my emotions and say I like it here and want to stay here?
As I always close my other emotional blabbering, I give in to my always available source of comfort and assurance. Oh Divine Intervention. Guide me and give me a sign :”